Having Sex

What’s the difference between having sex, making love and getting screwed? Obviously, intercourse is the common action in all three activities, so what differentiates them? As a woman who has experienced all three, let me be clear. Having sex is basic intercourse or just going through the motions. It may sometimes include a few obligatory kisses, a few squeezes of her breasts, buttocks and crotch.



These activities last about five minutes or so and are minimalist at best. Then he spits on his hand, rubs it on her vaginal opening to make it easier for him to slide in. Within a few moments of the spit on her vaginal opening he mounts her, pumps about ten to fifteen times and has his orgasm. There is no passion or desire associated in word or deed in this intercourse.

Additionally, because this one-sided basic approach is over so quickly, the woman doesn’t have a chance to have an orgasm. There is no verbal or non-verbal communication, no mature sexual techniques, and each time they ‘do it’, the same sexual position is used.

It is the hallmark sexual approach of the sexually lazy, selfish, and/or immature lover, yet it knows no age limit. Teenagers who don’t know any better do it because that’s all they know. Yet countless men of all ages also approach sexual relations the same way because no one has ever bothered to expect anything better.

Most of the time, people who are just having sex are doing it to satisfy his sexual needs. In these scenarios, the woman doesn’t seem to know or care about having pleasure herself. She is doing her wifely duty and unless he is a stellar lover, resenting him either before, during and after their intercourse.

This resignation to our sexual obligation is the status quo in many societies (including the United States). Women are embarrassed because of tradition, religious dogma or societal attitudes about her sexual needs and just wants ‘to get it over with’.   Rather than educate him about her needs, which would mean she has explored her own consensus of pleasures, she goes through the motions and orgasmic pleasure is a hit or miss.  The statistics are difficult to come by but the satisfaction  for men is 9 times out of ten where he has an orgasm.  For women it is 4 times out of ten.   

Getting screwed takes even less time. Often kisses aren’t included. It can be rough, sometimes painful for her, and is over in less than five minutes.





Getting screwed usually involves alcohol to overcome resistance. It often men who look upon women as conquests that are the ones most likely to do the screwing. Sometimes so much alcohol is consumed that the woman can barely remember what happened, making the pains in her body, the unwanted pregnancy, the communicable disease or the throbbing hangover a reminder of how much she’s been screwed.

Making love is the grandest expression of physical affection. It takes time, effort, technique, communication, and consideration for each other.

Making love happens between people who care about each other. The physical union is an expression of passion, affection and desire. For those who want physical love in the most complete way, making love is the natural choice.

By natural we do not mean basic. Like any art, it takes time and and effort. Learned through practice, communication, and self discipline, there is nothing more exhilarating, energizing, exciting, powerful, uniting, loving, affirming, intimate or rejuvenating than the act of making love.


It takes a caring, knowledgeable lover at least twenty minutes of physical and mental foreplay to excite the average woman. Her genitals fill slowly with blood so she can have an orgasm. When people are merely having sex, it is not for mutual satisfaction but for the basic function of procreation, like any lower form of animal.



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