Sex with a partner is rarely satisfying for me.

by Sarah
(San Diego )

I have survived two failed marriages. In both marriages I have consistently faked orgasms to avoid the anger and frustration that accompanies my husband's inability to bring me to orgasm. Sex has always been stressful for me, and I feel pressured to have an orgasm, which totally kills any ejoyment I might feel. I usually have a couple of drinks before having sex, hoping that it will help me relax and enjoy myself. This approach has been only marginally successful. Masturbation is more exciting and fulfilling for me, but I admit to some guilt with that, and a feeling that it will cause me to have "bad luck". More than anything, I am searching for that elusive "true love" who will satisfy me both sexually and spiritually. At age 53, I am doubtful that I will achieve that. Thank you for listening.

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Mar 11, 2012
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You must love yourself before you can love others
by: Ellen

Dear Sarah,
We all want and need to be in relationships, as we are hard-wired to want to be in the company of others. In each of those relationships is an inherent agreement to share love, honesty, and genuine feelings. That loving feelings begin with loving yourself. If you have guilty, negative feelings about masturbation, you are undermining any other relationships you'll ever have. Who deserves to love you more than you? You have to mentally and physically embrace a sense of self, before you're truly able to love anyone else. That is the primary relationship--the one to self. I don't know where you learned that masturbation brought bad luck, but it's been my experience that people who don't masturbate attract tension, frustration, and stress into their lives, and then don't use the natural release valve to rid themselves of it. I would strongly urge you to get some soft, sensual music, light a scented candle, turn down the lights, get naked, put on a fur glove and blindfold, and just touch yourself from top to bottom, using the fur glove as a massage tool. Do whatever feels good. Keep the blindfold on throughout the entire exercise as it will help to create a private world where loving yourself is not only guilt free, it is encouraged. Good Luck.

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